It's almost been over a week now since I said my final goodbye to the MMD Community. Right now as I am typing this I finally returned to deviantArt after a few days because I got a little busy between then and when I posted the journal. Today is December the 2nd and the first day of the Yogscast December Livestreams. My family has accepted the fact that these Livestreams as well as Cry's Late Night streams on Saturdays are like my religious holidays. I finally was able to sit down on deviantArt long enough to fully read and explore everything I might have missed.
As much as I thought how insignificant I was, I ended up getting so much feedback on my leaving, most of it sad. The most I expected was some really close friends telling me not to go and a few watchers disappearing. However, I merely only lost one after the posting of the journal and I got so much feedback it was almost heartwarming to someone who thought that she had no significant role. Of course, I didn't get as many as many other popular MMD users would, but let alone the handful of comments I did receive in my inbox was enough to have me crying. As someone who doesn't have much on her list of "Things to Live on for", it touched a deep spot in my heart. I honestly was not expecting such care-filled comments to arrive in my inbox, let alone many comments at all, I figured it'll play out as one or two people comment and then I can move onto something else.
I have come to miss editing, but not too much to persuade me enough to pick back up the flash-drive I put away about a week ago with everything MMD on it. It was fun, don't get me wrong, however I felt as if my deviantArt was being overloaded with MMD, so much so that it was a little annoying to my Non-MMD watchers. I am well aware that the majority of my watchers are from the MMD Community, because it's quite a large community despite it's large flaws. I am not kidding when I say that the VERY NEXT DAY of stopping MMD I started to question myself. "Should I really have done that?" There were moments when I say 'No' and others when I say 'Yes'. The times when I persuade myself to say, "Maybe I should pick it back up. I don't have to post anything let alone do anything major, just have a little fun."
Immediately after that I am broken-hearted when I realize a few problems with this. I did have a couple of other problems that I neglected to mention in the first journal. These are the few reasons.
1) I have no ideas to form into a model. I have no idea what to form into a model to be usable in this 3D program that many have come to love, including myself. If I had plenty of ideas I would be back on top of MMDing right this second, but sadly I do not.
2) My laptop is crap. The laptops that are currently in my possession are kind of crap. One, is my laptop and it holds only World of Warcraft. That is all it can hold. Maybe one other program, but that is it. The other laptop I have in my possession is a school laptop, which is only supposed to be used for school related things, since I take classes online. However, I do tend to put other little things on it because my other is crappier than this one. MMD was one of the little things I would use whenever I have no work in front of me to do for school, and this can barely hold it. My PMX editor will work fine, however it does tend to randomly crash and not respond when I have a lot of vertices on the model. Example, my Spiritual Miku V2 has no physics because my PMX editor freezes too much for me to add physics.
3) Who wants my models? Seriously. Just... seriously. Who other than my friends? Who?
4) I have nothing to do with them in the end. Once I'm finished with a model I'm proud of I have nothing to do with the model and it just sits in my own folders to rot, I have considered releasing them, but then I would receive comments about how they have a bug or lack physics because my laptops are crap and I cannot add them properly unless I make them a low quality model to fit with my laptop's fussy needs. (Jerk laptop...)
5) My username. Oh my god. Enough said. Such crap. Urrrrgh. 14-year-old me what the FUCK were you thinking?! I don't want to release stuff under this username anymore 'cause it's just so un-creative for my own standards. URRRRRRRRRRRRRR-
So yes, I have very much considered of returning after the heartwarming comments I received, however, due to numerous problems I have my future with this program continues to look bleak and it may rot in my flash-drives forever unless by some miracle I get a new laptop. I doubt that's in my future considering the current laptops I have are working just fine and why fix something that isn't broken, right?
Anyway, I guess that is all for unanswered questions some may have. Yep. I'm off to upload a picture then watch more livestream weird. Bye~