I cannot tell you how difficult this decision was for me to decide. I became attached to this program about 3-4 years ago now and I have met many kind souls throughout this time. However, the reason I'm leaving is for the mere drama, pay-to-use models, and my lack of modeling abilities. I've become rather tired hearing the same old and over illegal edits speeches, I do not want to be forced to pay to use a beautiful model, and I'm not much of a dent in the community, ability wise. My models are mere trash compared to the talent that arrives to this community every hour, and I have learned to accept that I'm kind of shit at this and I need to expand my horizons.
I have learned much in the course of the years I have been around the MMD Community. Shockingly, it's not all bad. I've learned that you can become friends with (mostly) anyone in this community if you have the courage to speak first. You can become a great icon in the community without being a complete dick and act higher-than-thou; you're not better than others here, in fact the one you speak bad to today could become significantly better than you in the future, either it be MMD or in real life. I have also learned that many blame you for the silliest things. Such as a comment I received in the past of me "copying" another's ideas to make an MMD model of Invisible Gumi. Learning this has also brought me the beggars. The beggars, beg for "dls plz" all the time. Don't even TRY to deny you haven't had this happen to you. Despite their annoying spamming messages, they can be the nicest MMDers you'd ever meet. I've personally spoken to many of these "beggars" and they're genuinely nice and caring people. Another thing I have learned is that fame changes people deeply. I met a kind and fun friend in this community, he was a sweetheart, Meme, everyone calls him. With his fame he became a lot more... rude. Now, he is idolizing the biggest jerk in the community and strives to become him and please him, when I really liked him the way he was before. To be honest, I had a little crush on his cute face, but sadly he changed before my eyes. Our once friendship resulted to nothing but ash, as it still is today.
My experiences with the community (good and bad) and program will possibly forever stay in my mind. Despite what others might say, the MMD Community has it's ups and it's downs. Many people say you'll have a full block list by the time you leave MMD, but I can proudly say that I have not blocked ONE person since my arrival. I may have gotten in a few scruffs and fights, but none have lead to a harsh punishment such as blocking. To those who wish to stay, keep doing what you love here, that's the only way you'll be able to enjoy everything. Who cares if Tda and LAT is an overused base? USE IT! If you're happy and you're compliant with other's wishes and opinions then you will be perfectly fine. Don't bend your back for someone because someone hates that you're overusing the LAT base like everyone else. If you're happy with your creation and you have the proper permissions, then you should only care about those things that matter to you.
For a more.. depressing turn on things. The most important thing that this community has helped me with is communication and creativity. I am diagnosed with severe anxiety, to the point where I can hardly talk to my own parents without breaking down into an anxiety attack. However, communicating with fellow members has helped me become more at ease with this illness I'm stuck with. I may never be cured of this, but I can take small steps to improve myself. Talking to the many members and being a helpful icon of the community has brought a smile to my face and put me at extreme ease during communicating with strangers, when at the arrival to the community I would break down and have an attack at a single note in my inbox. It has certainly helped me take a step to improve myself and earn friends. I cannot earn friends easily, nor is it a simple task for myself. I've met some caring souls who I have the honor to talk to and be friends with. They might not consider me friends as I do to them, but that doesn't matter to me, because I know somewhere they care about me. To this I thank everyone. Even my "enemies" of the community.
MMD, PMX Editor, and all models associated with this have been deleted. I no longer have any model in my possession other than the models I have made/edited myself, which will be stored safely on a flash drive, in any situation I wish to return. However, with this bleak sunset to my right, I believe I won't be returning to this community. My models aren't part of any significant role in this community, thus the downloads will be gone as well as any other MMD related pictures will be. As you're reading this, right now, everything MMD on my account is being deleted and no longer being touched. I apologize to those who put their faith and fondness into me and my works, but I cannot continue with the facade of being a significant person in this situation. You may keep and use my models to those who do still have them, but they will no longer be available in the future (unless the slight chance I'll return).
I am prepared for my watchers number to drop significantly after this is posted, and I do not blame them. Since most people who watch me mostly watched me for the mere fact that I have models for download and I use MMD. I appreciate them greatly for their support, but my time here has come to an end. I will continue to watch my MMD friends that I have gained, since they are dear to my heart. I would much rather prefer to watch MMDers do their own thing than be a waste of space in the community. I've actually come close to the decision of leaving dA all together, but that is not finalized, so I will continue to stay until I've come to a choice. For now, I will remain on deviantArt and remain in contact with those who've become close and those who have thought of me as close in the MMD Community, despite not being apart of it anymore.
I guess the main reason of this whole journal is a thank you, and a bittersweet goodbye. I hope no one has sour feelings over my decision, but as I have said before I cannot continue this facade. It's quite hard to believe that these final moments as I'm typing this will be my last seconds in the MMD community, yet this is reality.